I was just thinking about my post from yesterday. What the hell was that? Oh well...that's what this blog is for...the good, the bad and the totally confusing. I mean...it doesn't confuse me. I know exactly what I meant...but I can see where somebody might be confused by it. Not very many people seem to "get" me or what I'm actually all about and sometimes that can be very frustrating. That sounds like such an ego statement there...like I think I'm so far above everyone else that they couldn't possibly understand what's going on in my head. But that's not what I meant...I just meant that I'm a bit...well...strange...but strange is good! Strange isn't perfect or better than anyone else...strange is just strange. But, by golly, we need strange people in this world...
But enough of that.
The book. I'm so pleased so far. The novel format is actually allowing me to get across a lot of the ideas that I want to say with the story much better than a comic format would have. The switch was definitely a good idea. In a way, though, I'm thinking that if, by some odd fluke, this novel ever gets published, I should put in the notes from this blog as an appendix. Because, in many ways, these notes are just as much a part of the story as the actual tale itself. It's like my life is the book and the book is my life. Ideas from the book are crossing over into my everyday dialogues with people and ideas from my everyday dialogues with people are crossing over into the book. It's like it's all part of a much bigger whole. The people in my real life are also characters in the book in a way. They are all like intermingling in some weird unconcious, surreal sort of way.
An example: Yesterday, my friend Robert sent out an e-mail saying that a cousin of his just died. Usually, when someone tells me that somebody close to them has died, I feel a little awkward and I really don't know what to say. I'm always afraid that I'll put my foot in my mouth and say something hurtful. But you know what? I didn't. I'm not going to get into the details of his family history here or anything, but when we chatted yesterday, I thought I gave him some fairly sound advice on how to deal with the situation...which, for me, is very wierd because when I talk to someone in person, I'm not the best advice giver at all. But, for some reason, when I chatted with him yesterday on MSN messenger, I felt very comfortable with the things I was telling him and I truly hope that he found the talk helpful. I know it helped me. I felt really good about what I said.
Here's the weird part...I don't feel as though it was me talking to him as much as it was Starchaser, one of the main characters in the story. It was his voice I was using. Starchaser in the story is a male witch who is somewhere in his low to mid thirties and who has been practicing his craft for some time now. He serves as a mentor and teacher for the young Bradley Lore, who is somewhat green in his knowledge of the old ways. Starchaser has found an inner peace in his life and he feels somewhat comfortable in dispensing advice and in offering comfort. Starchaser is pretty much the witch that I someday hope to be. I'm pretty much still Bradley Lore...the novice. Heck...I've only been practicing in my "New Awareness" for almost four years now. There's so much to learn...and I'm learning it from everyone, Pagan and non-Pagan alike. And these things I'm learning...they're showing up in the book. And the book is teaching me too. As I write down some of these ideas, I'm like "Whoa...where did that come from?" It's like it's not me that's writing some of these thing but, rather, it's some spiritual force that's trying to teach me something. And I'm bouncing these ideas off of the people in my so-called "real life" and it seems to have some resonance.
I've probably said this before, but I see this book as a spiritual journey for me. It's not my attempt to cash in on the Lord of the Rings craze. It's just my humble attempt to try and get a grasp on "the all..." i.e. everything that is around us and what it all means. My goal is not really to try and understand it all, but to find peace with in it and to realize that the underlying feeling that I've always had deep inside me that everything will ultimately be okay is right on the money.
So thus, the book and my friends are all just a part of the whole of my awareness and they both contribute to one another. Heck...I should probably give a writing credit on it to everyone I know, because they are all my teachers and I am very lucky to have them in my life.
One of the themes in my book is that "magick only works if you let it." I'm finding this too be so very true, because once I let the magic into my life, I have discovered all kinds of wonderous things.
So...it doesn't really matter if the book gets published or not. Just the mere fact that it is getting written speaks volumes.
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