Ego

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money...

I see myself changing...and this is probably a good thing. I'm feeling more confident in myself and in my abilities than I ever have before. And I finished Chapter Two!
When I first started doing this web site and blog, I must confess, it was probably mostly an ego thing, but as I have progressed with the writing, as well as the reading of the Power of Now book and also some Buddhist teachings, I am coming to realize that no, I'm no longer doing this to show off...I'm mainly doing this for me...my own personal growth.
Hell...if I were doing this fishing for compliments, I'm sure I would have stopped by now because, from all the people I've sent this site out to, only one has given me any truly positive feedback and he's also the only one that has posted any replies to this thing. But that's okay! I'm still gonna post because I realized that it's not my ego that I'm trying to stroke here...it's my self esteem...which is something that I truly need to work on...
What's the difference, you may ask? Well to me...Ego is mostly a self destructive thing...it's pride run amok. It's letting your own personal sense of self get in the way of your overall place in the whole of everything. It's a very isolationist way to be. When your ego gets out of hand, you tend to want to set yourself apart from everyone else. And egos need to be fed...and fed...and fed. They are always hungry and never full. They can become very fat little buggers, trust me.


And I must confess, I can be quite the egomaniac at times...but I am learning. I'm not as hungry as I once once. I don't need the praise of others to make my life worthwhile. I don't have to be special. I just have to be me...the best me I can be...and if people don't like that...SCREW THEM!
By contrast, self-esteem is the idea of deeming yourself worthy enough to be a part of the overall fabric that is life. I have always had problems with the self-esteem thing...ask anyone. The reason my ego can get so out of hand, as I search for the approval of others, is because deep down inside, I really wasn't approving of myself. Does this make any sense so far? Big egos come from low self-esteem and they are totally reliant on the validation of others whereas high self-esteem comes from within, regardless of what others think. So high self-esteem is good, ego is bad.
And the ironic thing about this is that ego, that relies heavily upon the stimulation of others, actually isolates you from people whereas high self-esteem, which only has to come from within, without anyone else's approval, actually brings you closer to other people! This is because, with high self-esteem, your goal is not to put yourself on a pedistal. It's just to realize that hey! I'm good enough just as I am. I don't have to be this perfect person. I just have to be me and to take my place as a part of the fabric of life. Self-Esteem says to myself that hey! I'm worth something here! I'm a part of all this, just as all of us are! I believe this kind of thinking actually draws people to you more.


And the amazing thing is that the book echoes this thought...I talk about how we are all one and the part of something bigger! It's all tying together, my life and art. It's all part of my therapy I'm putting myself through, I guess. And the good news is...there's no bill for this therapy!
Well ego tells me to keep going on with this point, but my self-esteem tells me that I've made my point and that's plenty good enough for me.
So take care all, and, until next time, blessed be!