Good Day

Well...I wrote Chapter Four out today and I must say I am most pleased with it. I think it's one of the cooler chapters in the book. It starts out with our first real look at the sorcerer Zabarelle and examines his motives which are based on greed and power. I try, through his thoughts, to justify his behavior (which is another good reason why I think it was a good choice to write this as a novel rather than a graphic novel. It's much easier to get inside people's heads and explore their thought processes), even though I basically think he's pretty well fucked up in his spirituality and his views on magick.
I then introduce the Monkey Pawn, who is the beloved puppet-president of the Billowy Wood and I explore the contrast between what he says and what he feels. He comes across as a powerful leader, bravely taking his country into war...but inside, he's very much a scared little child who dreads the impending doom.
I then go back into the bedroom with Starchaser and Bradley who are sharing some playful pillow talk the morning after their first night of magickal sex.
I just like the contrast of the acts in this chapter. It starts out very heavy with talk of an the coming war and ends and ends, rather lightheartedly, with out witchy couple rolling around on the bed and crashing onto the floor. I just like the way it wraps together.
If I ever get around to making the chapters public, you'll see what I mean...
Maybe.
Blessed be!

Absence Makes the Soul Grow Stronger

Look at me! I'm back! After a two month adjustment period to the new place that I'm living as well as other things, I am happy to say that I have returned to writing the book yesterday. I just finished the second half of Chapter Three but hey! The magic is still there! The writing went very smooth and it's still better'n sex.
In fact, I'm happy to report that I have had a creative upswing as of late in a variety of media...I've done several paintings, a couple of box, wrote a few songs. It's been great! I don't know why these things happen the way they do...I'm just grateful for when they come because, like I said...when the creative juices start flowing, I'm not quite sure where they're coming from or what the end product will be...it's like I'm channeling it from some other source...a very strange and yet wonderful feeling.
I've also started a sister blog on Yahoo at http://360.yahoo.com/bradleylore . It's not so much about the book as it is the spirit behind the book and, ultimately, behind my life. Check it out, kiddies!
Well...that's all for now, kids...I'll try to post soon!
Take care!

Still Unwinding...

Hello! Thought I'd put in a post in case anyone was reading and wondered what the hell happened to me. For one, I'm not on the internet as much due to the fact that I moved somewhere that's farther away from the Center Project, which is where I do most of my "interneting." And also, sadly, because I haven't been working on the book because I'm still a bit unwound from the move. Once my room mate moves in, I'm hoping things will become more settled.

I just haven't been as spiritual as I would like to be due to the needs of the mundane in my life in the moment, which is fine...because we alkl have mundane things that we need to take care of...that's life, but...hey...I will be very happy when I can concentrate on the spiritual again...because I do do love it when my mind is in the spiritual plane. I'm so much more at home there...but you know what? Even when I'm not "on" spiritually, it's still there...and always a part of me. That's the wonderful thing, I think, about finding the belief sytem that is truly your own. Your spirit is still strong even during the times when you can't tend to it. When you're strong, you take care of your spirit...and when you're weak...it takes care of you.
Sounds kinda like karma, doesn't it?

And my mind can't help right now but to think about all those spirits up at that college in Virginia who were snuffed out by that crazed madman yesterday. It's so pointless and senseless...and scary. It's a crazy world we live in and...know this...all of the craziest people are running free on the outside and not getting the psychiatric help they need.

But it's like I told Michael...yes...it is a terrible thing...but you must keep in mind...a gunman can only take away their physical beings. He can't even lay a finger on their souls and their souls are still strong...always...and they have moved on to the next level of enlightenment. Bright blessings to them all...

Yeah....my spirit...it's still there...shining through all the murk...and that's what makes it all so incredibly wonderful at the end of the day.

Till next time...
Blessed be!

Working to Unwind

Hello...this will be short today. The big move is finally over and the new place seems nice and all. I'm still a bit disheveled by it and the breakup of my routine and all. I haven't been getting as much sleep as I like. I've always had trouble sleeping in strange places so I guess I just have to adjust.
It seems like a good fit though. I'm just waiting for my nerves and everything to calm down so I can get back to the task at hand...writing The Perfect Star. I figure I'll give it another week before I tackle the next chapter. I should be sufficiently unwound by then. I can't wait to get back into it!
I just wish I could find that man...that perfect man who's going to be so totally into my work and so supportive. I have a feeling he may be just around the corner...who knows about these things... ? Just a hunch...
At any rate, he will be my true inspiration.
Gawrd I'm such an idealist. But hey...it's the only way to be, really.
Take care!

Been a while...

Well...geez-ow...I haven't posted in a while I guess. Well...I did make one post, but I deleted it because it wasn't productive. I've been busy moving and getting into the moving mindset so I had to temporarily put the book on the back burner until April.
Once I'm all moved in, though, which will be on Saturday, I'm guessing I'll have much more time to dedicate to the book. Heck! I still have to finish chapter 4. I won't have cable hooked up in the new house for a few days, though, so there won't be that distraction so...who knows...maybe I'll use that time to write. I WILL use that time to write. It's hard to get back into the writing mode after taking a break, but, hey, this story is The Perfect Star after all, so I'm sure I'll find the proper inspiration. I'll also have a computer at the new place so I'll be plenty inspired to do more of these posts and to effectively get my web site out there. I know there's an audience for my cock-eyed idealism...I just have to take the time to find it.
So far the book has been met with a somewhat less than enthusiastic response by my friends...not their cup of tea, I guess...but hey...that's okay. To each their own...right? I'm not going to shove this down anyone's throat. But hey...I actually did get an e-mail from a stranger the other day who visited my web sites and he was very encouraging. He said the story inspired him. Wow! Imagine that? Somebody inspired! By me. The ole ego has gotta love that! It's so great to finally get some encouraging words from somebody who actually took the time to read my stuff. It's nice to know now that there are people out there who feel the way idea about the ideas expressed.
I'll tell you this much, though...I dream of the day that I find that one person who actually is totally into the book and all the ideas expressed within...somebody who actually gets me and understands...well...everything. On the day when I meet this person, I'll know it instantly and I'll know that this is the person that I must spend the rest of my life with. Yes, dear readers, young Mark is finally ready to re-open himself to the concept of being in love...Gawrd! Is that even possible anymore?
I like to think so.
What can I say?
I'm an idealist.

Perfect Time of Day...

Well...what a day so far...been fairly productive, but haven't worked on the book yet. I'm planning on moving at the end of this month and I was literally "cleaning out my closet" today. Not an easy task, but hey...it's DONE! My move should go a whole lot smoother now.
I'm writing this post at The Center Project, the place where I do volunteer work. After I'm done with this, I plan on finding a nice little nook somewhere to write out Chapter 4. I may just go down to the beach. It's a fairly mild day and not too windy, so it should be fun.

I wore shorts out today. It might still be just a tad bit cold for shorts, but I am the eternal optimist.

Chapter 4, which used to be part of Chapter Three, is basically Bradley Lore's intro into witchery... Witch 101 if you will. Bradley is introduced to the elements and learns how to effectively "become a part of them." It'll be a short chapter, but I'm looking to stretch a lot of cool concepts into it so we'll see how it goes.

Well...that's all I gotta say for now...keep ya posted!

Better'n Sex...

Hello there...it's a Monday again and I am in a fairly good mood I guess. The weekend went well. I came into a little bit of unexpected cash and I spent a chunk of it on a new drum. What can I say? I like drummin! I really can't, in the overall scheme of things, afford it by any means...but it's a great drum and it makes me very very happy...and who can put a price on happiness?

And...I had Saturday off, so I spent a good part of the day finishing Chapter 3 of the book. Like I said before, this chapter is very important to the overall story and I wanted to make sure all the ideas that I brought forth in it were clear. I believe I have succeeded. I am really pleased with the way the chapter came out...and I added something to it that I didn't have in the first two drafts that I'm very excited about.

This has been the basic line of action in Chapter 3: Bradley Lore is led to the House of You where, for the first time, he meets the witch, Starchaser. Starchaser invites him into his home and offers him a cup of tea...a very special cup of tea...a tea that, ultimately restores all the memories from his lost childhood. After an intense trip down memory lane, Bradley is very tired, so the witch shows him to the guest bedroom where our young hero sleeps for the night.
When he awakens the next morning, he is somewhat shocked to learn, from a television broadcast about the oncoming glorious war.

What follows is a long discussion with the witch, Starchaser about the politics behind the war and about how the press is taking liberties with the truth by trying to pass the war off as great spritual quest. Now, I don't know who you pray to or what your religion might be, but I have to believe that, if you have truly found something spiritual and good within yourself that you have to be opposed to war...all war, no matter what the reason is for fighting. There is nothing glorious about a war...ever! Think about it...do some reasearch. I believe this to be true.

Anyway...so the witch then tells young Bradley that he, The Perfect Star, is the one destined to stop the war and they must embark on a noble quest to do so. But first...he'll need a little training in Magick 101...which is what Chapter Four will be about. Originally, I had Chapter 4 as part of Chapter 3, but there were just so many ideas that I wanted to express that I decided to break them up for easier reading...and writing!

So that pretty much was the gist of Chapter 3, that is, until Saturday's rewrite when I added a new element to the mix...the dream within the dream...an idea that I just came up with as I was writing...usually it doesn't happen that way. Usually I think of something for a while and run it around the block in my brain for a couple of days before commiting it to paper. But this time, it just popped out...and that is such a great feeling when it happens that way!

Anyway...again...this new scene starts after Bradley falls asleep in the guest room and before he wakes up the next morning. The dream starts with him flying through the night sky with Starchaser at his side...fireworks are going off everywhere in the background. Bradley's heart is dancing on a cloud...full of joy and excitement...then all goes dark and the boy finds himself falling throught the darkness in sheer terror. He lands in a black ocean where he grabs ahold of a log and washes upon a dark shore. He spies a grove of trees and enters into them. Suddenly, he finds himself in the middle of a battlefield with gunfire shooting off everywhere. He drops to the ground and covers himself and cries.

He then wakes up.

I dunno...this probably doesn't make any sense, but I thought it was really cool to stick this here. It's like our first glimpse of the absolute horror that will be the glorious war. At this point in the story, Bradley really doesn't know anything about the war expect that Snibblick had mentioned it very quickly in passing so the dream kinda hints that young Bradley possesses certain psychic abilities, as we all do. I think that what I want for this dream sequence to be is the merging of the Bradley that is, the one that we have known up to this point...and the Bradley that will be...the young witch stumbling to, eventually, learn the many ways of the craft.

When I finished with this chapter, I had such a good feeling running through my soul. It's hard to describe this feeling, but, trust me, it is way better than any feeling you can get after sex! Okay...so some of you maybe saying that perhaps I just never had really good sex...this may be true as well. But I can't imagine anything feeling better than the feeling you get after creating something that, while definitely a part of your physical being, branches out way beyond yourself. It's like making an ultimate connection with the spiritual world and realizing that hey...it's all gonna be okay...no matter what happens in mundane life, it's all gonna be all right.
And it will be.

And this is what I have to believe as I watch my friends go in and out of surgery. A couple of weeks ago, as I have said, Michael had back surgery and I'm pleased to report that he is doing very well. This week, my friend Robert is going in for surgery and I'm sure this will turn out for the best also. Robert has a very strong spirit and I'm sure that life won't throw anything at him that he can't handle. The power of the sprit is truly enormous. Never underestimate it!

In like a lamb...

Hello...not much new to say today, but boy...I got a little bitchy yesterday, didn't I?
Oh well...I needed to vent. Better to do it here in print than to take it out on my friends and co-workers...
I will complete Chapter Three on Saturday, my next day off, if all goes well. There'll be a full moon that day so hopefully my creative juices will be at a peak.
I like to drum...on Saturday, they will be holding a drum circle at Myrtle Beach State Park. Michael and I have been going to the last three that they've had there and we've enjoyed them very much. I won't be able to attend the one this Saturday because Michael is still recouperating from his surgery and, as i have stated in the previous post, I don't have a car! I suppose I could walk there...it's really not that far from where I live. But the drum circle is kind of the thing that Michael and I do together and I think I would miss him if I went without him. Besides...I think I'd like to devote the entire day to the book. That would be nice.
You know...that's really about all I have to say! Surprised? Yeah...me too...I just wanted to make a post on the first day of the month and to officially start my BIG MOVE countdown. On April 1, I will be all moved into my new place, if all goes well. I'm going to try to start packing things up this week so I don't have a big fat mess at the end of the month.
I will keep you posted on my progress.
Have a great day!

Ping! I think I heard a pin drop!

But anyway...welcome to the last day of February! I had the day off today and I got a VERY good start on Chapter Three, I'm happy to say. And again...as with the other two chapters, I have added something new that wasn't here in any previous writes of the story. The new thing is...a closer look at the Billowy Wood. I've decided to make the Billowy Wood kinda a cross between a classic faerie tale type of realm with dragons and elves and all that good stuff and a place with many of the modern conveniences. I decided to let them have electricity and television and computers and the like. The only difference between their world and ours, though, was that I made sure to say that their electricity came from a clean source...water...with a little bit of elven magic thrown in for good measure.

Thus, our magical friends have become somewhat techno-savvy...with the exception of one thing. I made it so there were no cars in the Billowy Wood. Why you ask? Well...because cars are major polluters for one...they also cause a ton of needless deaths and injuries each year...and in order to have cars, you need roads and in order to have roads, you need to plow up some nature and knock down some trees, which, ultimately, throws the whole Eco-system out of whack.

Thus, our wise friends, the faeries, have cast a spell on the whole of the wood that makes all traces of oil and gasoline disappear from the wood forever. The Wood has got to maintain some of its magic, for crying out loud!

As my friends will tell you, I don't have a car and I don't drive anymore. I don't have a DUI or anything. I have been a licenced driver with a car for most of my life. As a matter of fact, I love to drive, but I gave it up. Why? Because it's not the responsible thing for me to do. I can get along just fine without a car and so I do. Cars kill. Cars pollute. Cars destroy. Heck...if it weren't for cars and the oil it takes to drive them, this country wouldn't be in this mess of a war that it's in in Iraq.

My friends will also tell you that I do accept rides from them on occassion to get to places out of town or outside of walking distance, but I try to keep this at a minimum and am going to try to keep it at more of a minimum in the future. I don't begrudge anyone the priviledge of holding a license or driving, but I do wish they'd do it more responsibily. You don't have to drive eevrywhere you go, do you? And yet a lot of people do. I think cars would be great and very useful inventions if everybody and their brother didn't think it was their God-given right to own one. That's the trouble with this country. So many public transportation systems are going under beacuse evrybody thinks they're too good for the bus or walking.

And I really get tired of being treated like a second class citizen because I choose to walk. It's true and it's extremely screwed up! Somehow people who don't drive don't rate any respect. Shoot...even two of my friends were goading me about getting my license for the umpteenth time the other day. They just don't get it. I wish they would respect the fact that I CHOOSE not to drive. If this sounds bitchy and they don't want to drive me anywhere anymore...FINE! So be it! Okay...I am being a bitch and I am ranting, but, by golly...this time it's making me feel better!

Seriously, guys...respect my opinions, please...I do respect yours. At this point in time, I choose not to drive. Just don't bug me about it anymore. I feel, that as a witch and a member of a "nature" religion, I should do something that's good for the environment. So this is it...this is my niche...

Okay...I'm off my bitch box...take your best shot!

If at first...

Okay...I started writing a post yesterday and I didn't like the direction it was going in...I was in a weird mood yesterday and I thought it came off a little bitchy. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with bitchy. It just wasn't a productive kinda bitchy where I felt my rants were actually cathartic or anything. So...I said...wait a day.

I really wasn't in a bad mood. I don't think I've been in a bad mood since I started reading the Power of Now book. Heck...work has been such a breeze now that I've conditioned myself not to take it so seriously. I even got a raise the other day and lots of compliments on the job I was doing. The Power of Now...it seems to be working. Thanks, Robert!

And so today, I will try to succeed where I had failed so wonderfully yesterday. I will indeed write a post that could serve as therapy for me. Like I said, the prevailing mood for me this week is not a bad mood but rather what I would call a "plastique" mood...in other words, I haven't really been digging too deep into my thoughts this week or coming up with any useful insights for the book. It's not a big deal, though...I still feel very spiritual and I know I can't be "on" all the time...so perhaps this is my mind's way of telling me I need to rest a bit. Thinking too much can be very unhealthy I am told.

Still...I feel I must post, for tomorrow I will be off work and I will embark on Chapter Three of the book, which may, indeed, be the most difficult chapter to write because it's the one where I lay all the groundwork for the oncoming "Glorious War." Isn't that a crazy turn of a phrase? When is a war ever really glorious? I think the name of a "Glorious War" is an original one. Who knows? Maybe somewhere along the line I read about a glorious war and subconciously stored it in my memory. Oh well! I will try to pass it off as my own anyway!

Seeing as how nobody who could be reading this, with the exception of me, has even heard the story, I feel maybe a little explanation of the "Glorious War" is in order. Besides which, it may get my creative juices flowing again for a smoother writing experience tomorrow. Let's see...how to begin?

The Billowy Wood is a magical enchanted realm (originally I wanted to call this book "Enchanted," as a matter of fact, but I found out that there is a film coming out some time this year with that name. As it turns out, I like The Perfect Star a lot better anyway!)...anyhoo...it's an enchanted realm where elves, faeries and humans, among others, have lived together peacefully for ages, until a stranger name Roberton, from the Earthen realm, somehow gained entry into the wood with his two sons, Zabarelle and Advantara. He saw the humans in this realm as being very weak and he quickly set out to impress and brainwash them with his vast expertise in ceremonial magic.

He quickly conned the local humans into building a vast city of gold which would thereto be known as "The Golden Walls." With the promise of spiritual enlightenment and great monetary gain, he conned the humans into mining all the gold in the wood and moving it to the city. He then taught them about economics, commerce and about just how just how nice it would be if they could have everything their little hearts desired. Basically, he taught them the noble concept of greed. Greed was good, he was say. Greed was God's will. Thus, the concept of unchecked capitalism was introduced to the whole of the Billowy Wood.

So the good folk of the wood worked hard for their dreams of gold as Roberton ruled over them with a very firm grasp on all the profits being made from their many ventures. He was very proud of himself for taming the noble savages of the wood.

But, alas, on a fateful trip to expand his vast borders in the wood, Roberton came across and ocean where a mighty sea monster battled with him and sealed his fate by encasing him in a large shard of glass. News of his death brought a great sadness upon the humans of the wood and also brought his two sons, the young sorcerers Zabarelle and Advantara into power. The two brothers were not trusted by folk of the wood like their father was and they also didn't trust each other. In fact, this mistrust grew and grew until they ended up splitting the Billowy Wood into two with Zabarelle ruling one half and Advantara the other. They also divided the city of the golden walls in half as well.

In order to better cement their hold over the humans, both sorcerers launched a spiritual campaign against each other. Zabarelle told all his people that the elves of the Billowy Wood were on their side and that they would use their magic to secure a great economic future for all who followed him. Advantara told his people that the faeries were their spiritual guides and that, if they followed him, the faeries would shower them all with riches. Of course, in reality, the faeires and the elves wanted NOTHING to do with any of these silly humans and their ridiculous greedy little schemes, but they could not tell them so because communication with the greedy humans was very difficult. You see, the humans could not hear the elves speak and assumed they were all mute and they could not see the faeries and just assumed they were all invisible to the naked eye. The only way a human could see or hear an elf or faerie is if he or she had been blessed with The New Awareness.

Anyhow, to further secure their magical hold on the people, the brothers each kidnapped the leaders of their respective spiritualities and imprisoned them in towers in an effort to drain their magic to use for their own greedy purposes. This act, of course, pleased the elves and faeries even less, prompting them to seek out the help of The Perfect Star to restore order in the wood.

Well...gradually the brothers grew very distrustful of each other and secretly plotted to have the riches of the entire wood all to themselves. Thus, the first rumblings of The Glorious War were soon heard.

Sound familiar? A War based on greedy purposes? That stuff never really happens, does it? Sarcasm. And yes...this is pretty much a parody on a certain war that is being fought right now all over control of another very valuable substance.

Well...hey...that's enough for now, but you get that idea...and writing this has really got me primed for Chapter Three. Have a great day!

The Umpteenth Time

Well...another day, another dollar....as they say.

I was just thinking about my post from yesterday. What the hell was that? Oh well...that's what this blog is for...the good, the bad and the totally confusing. I mean...it doesn't confuse me. I know exactly what I meant...but I can see where somebody might be confused by it. Not very many people seem to "get" me or what I'm actually all about and sometimes that can be very frustrating. That sounds like such an ego statement there...like I think I'm so far above everyone else that they couldn't possibly understand what's going on in my head. But that's not what I meant...I just meant that I'm a bit...well...strange...but strange is good! Strange isn't perfect or better than anyone else...strange is just strange. But, by golly, we need strange people in this world...

But enough of that.

The book. I'm so pleased so far. The novel format is actually allowing me to get across a lot of the ideas that I want to say with the story much better than a comic format would have. The switch was definitely a good idea. In a way, though, I'm thinking that if, by some odd fluke, this novel ever gets published, I should put in the notes from this blog as an appendix. Because, in many ways, these notes are just as much a part of the story as the actual tale itself. It's like my life is the book and the book is my life. Ideas from the book are crossing over into my everyday dialogues with people and ideas from my everyday dialogues with people are crossing over into the book. It's like it's all part of a much bigger whole. The people in my real life are also characters in the book in a way. They are all like intermingling in some weird unconcious, surreal sort of way.

An example: Yesterday, my friend Robert sent out an e-mail saying that a cousin of his just died. Usually, when someone tells me that somebody close to them has died, I feel a little awkward and I really don't know what to say. I'm always afraid that I'll put my foot in my mouth and say something hurtful. But you know what? I didn't. I'm not going to get into the details of his family history here or anything, but when we chatted yesterday, I thought I gave him some fairly sound advice on how to deal with the situation...which, for me, is very wierd because when I talk to someone in person, I'm not the best advice giver at all. But, for some reason, when I chatted with him yesterday on MSN messenger, I felt very comfortable with the things I was telling him and I truly hope that he found the talk helpful. I know it helped me. I felt really good about what I said.

Here's the weird part...I don't feel as though it was me talking to him as much as it was Starchaser, one of the main characters in the story. It was his voice I was using. Starchaser in the story is a male witch who is somewhere in his low to mid thirties and who has been practicing his craft for some time now. He serves as a mentor and teacher for the young Bradley Lore, who is somewhat green in his knowledge of the old ways. Starchaser has found an inner peace in his life and he feels somewhat comfortable in dispensing advice and in offering comfort. Starchaser is pretty much the witch that I someday hope to be. I'm pretty much still Bradley Lore...the novice. Heck...I've only been practicing in my "New Awareness" for almost four years now. There's so much to learn...and I'm learning it from everyone, Pagan and non-Pagan alike. And these things I'm learning...they're showing up in the book. And the book is teaching me too. As I write down some of these ideas, I'm like "Whoa...where did that come from?" It's like it's not me that's writing some of these thing but, rather, it's some spiritual force that's trying to teach me something. And I'm bouncing these ideas off of the people in my so-called "real life" and it seems to have some resonance.

I've probably said this before, but I see this book as a spiritual journey for me. It's not my attempt to cash in on the Lord of the Rings craze. It's just my humble attempt to try and get a grasp on "the all..." i.e. everything that is around us and what it all means. My goal is not really to try and understand it all, but to find peace with in it and to realize that the underlying feeling that I've always had deep inside me that everything will ultimately be okay is right on the money.
So thus, the book and my friends are all just a part of the whole of my awareness and they both contribute to one another. Heck...I should probably give a writing credit on it to everyone I know, because they are all my teachers and I am very lucky to have them in my life.

One of the themes in my book is that "magick only works if you let it." I'm finding this too be so very true, because once I let the magic into my life, I have discovered all kinds of wonderous things.

So...it doesn't really matter if the book gets published or not. Just the mere fact that it is getting written speaks volumes.

Ego

Take a look at me now and take a taste of the money...

I see myself changing...and this is probably a good thing. I'm feeling more confident in myself and in my abilities than I ever have before. And I finished Chapter Two!
When I first started doing this web site and blog, I must confess, it was probably mostly an ego thing, but as I have progressed with the writing, as well as the reading of the Power of Now book and also some Buddhist teachings, I am coming to realize that no, I'm no longer doing this to show off...I'm mainly doing this for me...my own personal growth.
Hell...if I were doing this fishing for compliments, I'm sure I would have stopped by now because, from all the people I've sent this site out to, only one has given me any truly positive feedback and he's also the only one that has posted any replies to this thing. But that's okay! I'm still gonna post because I realized that it's not my ego that I'm trying to stroke here...it's my self esteem...which is something that I truly need to work on...
What's the difference, you may ask? Well to me...Ego is mostly a self destructive thing...it's pride run amok. It's letting your own personal sense of self get in the way of your overall place in the whole of everything. It's a very isolationist way to be. When your ego gets out of hand, you tend to want to set yourself apart from everyone else. And egos need to be fed...and fed...and fed. They are always hungry and never full. They can become very fat little buggers, trust me.


And I must confess, I can be quite the egomaniac at times...but I am learning. I'm not as hungry as I once once. I don't need the praise of others to make my life worthwhile. I don't have to be special. I just have to be me...the best me I can be...and if people don't like that...SCREW THEM!
By contrast, self-esteem is the idea of deeming yourself worthy enough to be a part of the overall fabric that is life. I have always had problems with the self-esteem thing...ask anyone. The reason my ego can get so out of hand, as I search for the approval of others, is because deep down inside, I really wasn't approving of myself. Does this make any sense so far? Big egos come from low self-esteem and they are totally reliant on the validation of others whereas high self-esteem comes from within, regardless of what others think. So high self-esteem is good, ego is bad.
And the ironic thing about this is that ego, that relies heavily upon the stimulation of others, actually isolates you from people whereas high self-esteem, which only has to come from within, without anyone else's approval, actually brings you closer to other people! This is because, with high self-esteem, your goal is not to put yourself on a pedistal. It's just to realize that hey! I'm good enough just as I am. I don't have to be this perfect person. I just have to be me and to take my place as a part of the fabric of life. Self-Esteem says to myself that hey! I'm worth something here! I'm a part of all this, just as all of us are! I believe this kind of thinking actually draws people to you more.


And the amazing thing is that the book echoes this thought...I talk about how we are all one and the part of something bigger! It's all tying together, my life and art. It's all part of my therapy I'm putting myself through, I guess. And the good news is...there's no bill for this therapy!
Well ego tells me to keep going on with this point, but my self-esteem tells me that I've made my point and that's plenty good enough for me.
So take care all, and, until next time, blessed be!

Chapter 2 in the Works!

Well...today I had the day off from work so I did a little cleaning at home and I got a good start on Chapter Two of the book. It's funny how things that are going on in my head from life are starting to creep into the book now. I told you yesterday that I was reading the book The Power of Now, which by the way was written by Eckhart Tolle. Silly me! I could have just looked up his name on Amazon.com yesterday, for crying out loud! But hey...if I could wring just a drop of humor from the situation, I suppose it was worth it. I guess I'm not as techno savvy as I would like to pretend to be. Oh well...as Mr. Tolle tells us, let's not let our egos get the best of us!

Anyway...where was I? The book...yes...the book! I open Chapter Two, appropriately enough, by examining these ideas of past, present and future which, as it turns now, is very appropriate to this part of the story as it fast forwards a few centuries from the last chapter. Those eleven gardens. They can be so mischievous! Okay...that probably doesn't make too much sense to you now, but as I share more of the concepts of the story with you, hopefully, it will become more clear. I remember, I used to have a composition teacher who would scold us for usually the word hopefully in our writing. She would always scribble off to the side somewhere in big red letters, "KEEP HOPING!!!"

But I digress...again...when you're doing a story that transcends the ideas of time and space as this one does, it really puts a different perspective on just how the power of now actually works. I mean, if you were suddenly plopped from like, say, the 16th century (I never actually make it quite clear in the story which century Bradley Lore was actually born in. This was quite deliberate on my part. It's gives me a little more leg room to work with. If I ever do get finished with the tale, I'll probably nail down a time frame more...if it's important) to the 21st century, your concept of now would be radically altered, as young Bradley's is as he finds himself going through his adolescence in a world unlike any he's ever known...with no memory of his childhood from centuries before. Perhaps that's why we open this chapter with our hero going to see a shrink.

Makes sense...sorta.
I just read Chapter Two of the Power of Now mini book and it talks about fears. Fear...something I am very familiar with. Fear...probably the main reason I am where I am today. I let my fears of the future get the best of me. According to Mr. Tolle, most fears are based on events that may or may not happen in the future and most are totally unfounded. Thus, we should let go of these fears and again (say it with me, folks) concentrate on the power of now!
I realize that, being the neurotic little waif that I am, that he could not have been more right on target with this advice. I do need to let go of all my silly fears that the voice in my head is feeding me and just live already, by golly!

But I do have to wonder. Aren't some fears a good thing? I mean...I'm sure that Mr. Tolle, with the amount of success he has had with this book and everything, has probably put back quite a little nest egg for his future, wouldn't you think...savings account, bonds, 401k and the like. I'm sure he's not spending it all in the now...so, hmmm...seems to me that there's gotta be some fear there, don't ya think?

And I know that, sometimes, that fear has actually been a good motivator to get my out of some jams. I mean...for example...if I were standing in front of a speeding bus, I'm sure that I would want to have some fear to motivate me to jump the hell out of the way.

But that's just under certain circumstances that I guess are more of the now than of the future. But I get his point and I am damn sure going to try to be a lot less fearful in the future. We'll see how that goes...

Michael is okay and all is well...stay tuned!

Michael called me on Thursday night, the night of his operation (I was surprised to hear from him so soon). He's doing well. He's in a lot of pain, but he seems to be in good spirits. He's still as sassy as ever, that's for dang sure. Women! He'll have to stay in the hospital for about a week or so to rehabilitate...learn how to walk again...all that good stuff. But he's gonna be fine!
Hallelujah!
Of course I knew he'd be okay all along, but somehow that doesn't stop me from worrying.

Anyway...I actually have two days off this week so...Yippee! More time to work on the book! I hope to get through Chapter 3 by Thursday. I have to get my mind back in Perfect Star mode now, what with friends being hospitalized and me possibly moving to a new place, it's been kind of hectic. Yes, dear reader...I'm thinking about moving in with a friend who's just bought a new house. The place I'm staying now has too much negative energy going on in it. I need to live more in the light...more around postive people who won't bring me down. Again...stay tuned!

I also started reading this book that my friend Robert, who has been posting on this blog regularly, gave me. It's called The Power of Now, the condensed version, and darn it all, I don't remember the author's name again and I don't have it on me. I will post it here later as a correction or something. It's a darned good book, though, so far. I've just read the first section thus far. It's a short read so I could probably get through it in one night, but the author suggests that you take your time with it...to fully absorb his wisdom, I guess.
He is wise, though. It's a good book thus far. I find it to be kind of Buddhist in nature. If I understand it correctly so far, in order to find true enlightenment, you need to turn off your conscious thinking mind for a while and be very still. It is when you go into this state of stillness that you can hear your concious mind speak and actually listen to what it's telling you and realize that what it has to say, is really not all that important in the overall scheme of things. You see, we are all one, anything and everything that is around us...it's all from the same big picture, which is very much connected. And the only way we can ever hope to catch a glimpse of this big picture is to get that voice in our head to shut the heck up for a while so that we can truly discover the essence of all that is and what role we play. You need to turn off your ego for a while and surrender yourself to it...then and only then can you begin to understand it all...if, in fact, it even needs to be understood. Only when you shut off your mind can you truly find peace.

At least...that's how I comprehended the first chapter. At any rate, it helped me. I've been practcicing closing off my mind on my walk into work this morning and you know what? I do believe it work. By the time I got to work, I felt the same sense of peace and refreshment that I feel after a good meditation. It was great! My work day went very smooth...I got along with everyone much better than I have been lately and I actually enjoyed myself...at work!!!
So I would like to thank you, Robert, for the book, and yes, I will actually read the rest of it and give you my honest opinion. I was skeptical at first, but I think I am getting something out of it.
I also would like to wish Robert well, too, as he will be going into the hospital at the beginning of March and spending about a week there as well, so again I will worry. But I know he'll be okay too, because he is also very strong in mind and spirit and because I know he read The Power of Now as well. So take care, Robert...I will be sending energy your way as well.
well, everyone...take care...and soon I will post a report on Chapter 2. Stay tuned!

Mostly About Michael

Well, two days have past and guess what? I'm done with Chapter One! It just really came out pretty easy and I got all the ideas across that I wanted to. I'm very happy about that! Wednesday was a good day.
Today however...not so good. My good friend Michael went in for back surgery this morning and I am still awaiting word on his condition. Michael and I have become very close. I consider him to be family. You see, I don't believe that the family that we were born into is necessarily the family that we were meant to be with. It seems to me that the process of placing babies with families is very random and, that, just because we were born with a certain group of people doesn't necessarily mean we have to stay there. I don't know...lots of people get very lucky in this respect and are born into wonderful families. I, however, was not one of these people. I think that part of the challenge of our journey, for many of us, in life is to seek out those who are truly our family. And I think, when I met Michael, I had found a member of our family. He's like the sister I never had.

Perhaps I should explain. Michael is transgendered. Biologically, he has all his male parts still, but hormonally, yeah...he's a chick! So I'm not sure whether to refer to him as he or she here, so I will probably use the pronouns interchangably. Try to keep up!
Anyway...like I said, I'm still waiting to hear if he's okay. I'm hoping that the fact that I haven't heard anything yet is a good sign because, frankly, I don't know what I would do without him. He has proven himself to be a great friend time and time again, helping me out of some of the little scrapes that I have gotten into and buying me chicken soup and Jello when I am sick. He's a very sweet and dear person and I love him to death even though I do tend to bitch at him a lot. Hell! If I didn't bitch, it would mean that I didn't care.
And so...yes...I am worried about the operation and the outcome, but I am not worried about Michael...because I know, that no matter what, he's gonna be just fine. You see, he was in a car wreck a couple of months ago which is, in part, responsible for his current back problem. And he told me that, after getting hit, he thinks he died for a little while and it was very very peaceful and he felt a lot better than he ever had. So...even if the worse happens, I'll know he'll find peace. I would miss him greatly. I would probably shed tears for him. But I would also find solace in the fact that he knows that he's gonna be okay and that it's all right. Regardless of what happens to our bodies in this life, we're all gonna be okay when you think about it...as long as our spiritual energy is strong.
But enough of that...odds are he's gonna be okay. According to another friend, Robert, who was a nurse, the operation is a relatively simple preocedure. So HEY! It's gonna be fine! We're all gonna be fine.I'm sending all my positive energy his way for a speedy and relatively painless recovery. He's my sister!

Hello again!

Hello again! Relax...I don't plan on making these posts an everyday thing. I just wanted to post today because tomorrow morning, I will start the big re-write at Barnes and Noble Cafe. It's gonna be scary. It's gonna be a little hard. It's gonna be great! I am getting so psyched about the book now. Can't wait till I get it going!I'm not really in much of a philosophical mood today, so I don't know if I should talk about themes in the book, as well as in my life, today. I would, however, like to talk a little bit about the title: The Perfect Star.

As I have said before, I wasn't able to use The Perfect Star as my member name at blogger.com beacause, apparently, that name had already been taken. Thus, I did a little digging and found out that whoever took the name never did anything with their site...so PHEW! I can probably use the name for my book thus far. After this, though, I decided to check the internet at large for anything named "Perfect Star" and the only thing I could find was a real estate company web site. This was a very good sign...because a real estate company and my novel are two very different entities indeed. So, I shall proceed with this title.

So...where does the name come from? Well...as I have said in my profile, one of my hobbies is composing music and I do this on my computer. If you go to my main web page at http://www.geocities.com/bradleylore , you will see that the last four entries on the archive are songs. I write weird songs, I know...but I like them. Anyhoo...I also write songs on my Playstation 2. Don't laugh! They have some very good music software available! I've probably composed close to 400 songs that way. I don't have the technology available to me to get them on the web yet...but hopefully, that will be forthcoming.

But, as usual, I digress...one of the songs that I composed, about three years ago maybe, was a song called The Perfect Star. It's kinda na R&B tinged little ditty...or at least as R&B as a white boy from the midwest can get. Anyway, I always loved the song and the title and when I started writing a book that had to do with witches and stuff, The Perfect Star seemed like the perfect way to go...with it's allusions to pentacles and to idealism and whatnot.

In the story, the Perfect Star is a piece of gold that has been cut from the queen's crown that young Bradley Lore wears around his neck. It's meant to symbolize an ideal world...a world where war and greed don't even begin to enter into the picture...or at least a world where such nasty vices can be somewhat eliminated.

Perhaps I should elaborate a little on the idea of perfection. Perfection, to me, is not the art of doing everything just right all the time. The idea of perfect to me would be the art of being perfectly human. Sure...we all have flaws...we make mistakes...that's what makes life interesting. But to be perfectly human is to own up to our flaws, accept them and try to learn from them. That is the ideal. To put away such petty human concerns as greed and power and to strive to live our lives without hurting anybody. That's the Wiccan Rede, The Golden Rule and a dozen other basic credos followed by the various religions on this planet. Greed hurts. Power corrupts. Just don't hurt anybody! It's that simple. Not that you really can hurt anybody spiritwise, as I have said before, but don't hurt em physically or mentally either. PLAY NICE for crying out loud!

I've also noticed, after writing this story, a little bit of irony... the men who are fighting the war are fighting for gold...gold...the thing that promotes greed and ultimately, leads to many deaths. Gold is seen a a bad thing in this way. And yet...gold is also depicted as the thing that will save these people from themselves...the thing that will bring about peace and love and goodwill...the gold in the Perfect Star. How can gold be both these things?

Well...let's look at gold...it is pretty...it shines...it resonates. It's a beautiful rock! So the gold of the star represents this beauty, in its purest form...The light from the golden star can lead us to our ultimate peace. But beware! Do not try to covet this light or our old friend greed comes back into play. Just enjoy gold for what it is and don't worry too much about getting your grubby little hands on it.

Make sense? Oh well...I tried.

Okay...It's gonna be a novel first!

Okay...here I am...back again...and so far this web site/blog thingy is re-energizing me to want to work on the book. So mush so that I have made a major decision about a major change in direction. I am going to write it first as a full-blown novel rather than a graphic novel. As I have said before, I have written and re-written the story already, but both of those versions were created with the idea that the words would one day be accompanied by pictures. But now...I decided...nah...it would probably be better if I just went ahead and wrote it as a totally fleshed out book first. There are just so many ideas that I want to get across in the book...ideas that could best be expressed by words. It will be a novel for a novel's sake, by golly!

Then...if I decided later that I want to incorporate graphics into it. Fine! I'll end up with two good versions of it! Not a problem at all...and I have all the time in the world.
There's just so much that I want to say spiritually with this book. Things that I think about all the time and mull over in my noggin. Okay...I admit it...I'm very weird for a male of my species. I don't spend all my time thinking about sex!
"What are some of these ideas?" you may ask as you struggle to keep your eyes open. Well...I have several thems that run through this story and I think I'll use this blog to elaborate more on them.
Some central themes to the book are:
1. Magic only works if you let it. This is the idea that the mind is a very powerful thing and that yes...we can control our own energy as well as the energy coming at us. We're never given more than what we can handle in this life, people. It may take some searching to find the answers to our struggles, but they are there. Seek them out!Plus...and this is the hard part...Nobody can really hurt us if we don't let them. Even if someone were to kill us...they don't really kill us...they can't...beacuse they don't control our energy. That is ours and ours alone. But I'm sure I will discuss this theme more later.

2. The New Awareness-This is the idea of looking beyond that which is plain as the nose on your face and seeing all that is truly around you. I don't necessarily mean seeing things with your eyes. It's just more or less be aware of their presence,though, in some cases, I believe things from other realms can be seen perfectly with the naked eye.But there always there. For instance...I believe that faeries, elves and gnomes actually do exist! I'm not saying that I always see them with my eyes, but I feel their presence all the time, dancing around and causing mischief. Editors note: I am not imbibing any kind of alcoholic beverage now nor am I taking any kind of medication, prescription or otherwise. And the last time I smoked anything was 1999. If you're a cop reading this, disregard that last comment.
Hopefully, the statute of limitations is up on that one...
Anyhoo...in my story, the New Awareness refers to a human's ability to see and interact with magical creatures. Once you let go of material things like great and power, you open your mind up to all sorts of incredible wonders. Seriously...try it!
Well heck...this post is getting long again. What do ya want? I call myself a writer!
We'll explore these and other themes more. For now...I gotta get started on The Perfect Star, Version 3.0.
Take care and blesssed be all!

The Perfect Star Time Line

Hello! This is me! Mark aka whispurr and welcome to The Perfect Star blog. This blog will serve two purposes. First...it will let you good folks know how I'm coming along on the ole graphic novel that I'm always talking about. Second...it will give me a good swift boot in the ass to work on the book more, because to tell you the truth, I kinda hit a little snag that, hopefully, I will soon write my way out of. I ended that sentence with a preposition, I know...sue me!
Anyway...as a sort of an introduction this this, let me tell tell you how the writing process has gone thus far. I started this story a little over a year ago on the shores of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I took a small notebook and a pen down to the ocean and I let my muse guide me.
I started it out as a little fable about elves, faeries and witches and all things magickal and, from there, it kinda snowballed into this massive epic tale about war, greed and spiritual identity. It's kinda funny...kinda serious...kinda spiritual...it's a little bit of a lot of things which will probably render it unsellable by most publishers.
Oh well!
I'm not writing it for them. This is an excercise in my own self amusement.
It's definitely a parody. It takes place in a mystical land called the Billowy Wood, where a war based on human greed is taking place and where things are being ruled by a short and not-so-bright little monkey. Sound familiar?
And yet I also wanted to cast a good light on witches. I had just seen the movie The Chronicles of Narnia not too long before starting the book and I was kinda disappointed that it was yet another movie that featured a wicked witch as a major villian. I mean...come on, already! With this story, I wanted to blast a few myths about witches clean out of the water. One myth is that witches are all evil. News flash...most witches are just as normal and just as nice as any other human beings. As a matter of fact, they are all around us and we don't even know it. Heck! I'm one of them. Another myth is that witches are all female. Please! This definitely isn't the case. Exhibit A: Me again! What can I say? I'm the witch that I know best. So...my story features a male witch in a positive light. Oh yeah...and he's gay! Yeah...like this book is ever gonna get published!
I don't care!
Anyhoo...my progress...first I wrote and re-wrote the basic story line for the novel. This took about three months. I wrote most of it either on the beach or at the cafes of the local Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million. Bookstores, for some reason, are a great place to find positive creative energy. Give it a try some time. See what you come up with.
After the write and re-write, I started doing the rough layouts. To give you an idea of how long this story is, I'm still doing rough layouts! Don't worry! I won't force my long-assed labor of love on any of you. If you wanna read it, let me know. I'll be flattered! Otherwise, it's okay, too. I realize it would be asking a lot especially if you don't care for long, self absorbed pieces of whatever...It would be nice if you did keep up with my blog, though...just to let me know that you're showing an interest in me. I promise...I'll try to keep the blog short. I'm probably breaking that promise already. What can I say but...oh wow!
So please...stop back...leave your own comments where applicable and enjoy the view. I will try to keep it pretty for ya!
Until next time...ciao! <---may be spelled wrong...suffer!
Oh yes...I don't know if The Perfect Star will be the final title for this book. I wanted to use The Perfect Star for the URL of this web site so I have to check and see who the heck is using it. Bradley Lore is definitely mine, though. I use that nick everywhere!